Change

Whether it's wanted or not wanted, expected or unexpected, it happens. Fear is felt as the strength to move forward competes to overcome it. The unknown lies ahead and taking a step toward it is requisite. What there is at the end of this path is hidden. All that is certain is that the steps must be taken. The journey begins. Like a babe learning to walk is difficult, the adjustments to this new life seem next to impossible. Looking back is painful, though almost preferable to the suffocation that living in the present induces. The originality of the future is optimistic and it anxiously waits to be claimed by those who will use its promises to best the challenges given to attain it. Moving forward in change confidence is developed, trust in oneself is gained. It forces the being to action, adaptation and ultimately growth.

Mother's Day

Love was set in motion. The life anticipated as a child, full of glamor and luxury, is completely at variance with the life that would start by simply whispering the word "yes". Though, in their nature, hearts yearn, desire and search for fairy tale ever afters. When love is found, the heart and its host adapt to the world to which it is now happily bound. The importance of fame and fortune dwindles. Why have a fairy tale when what has just been erected is so much more preferred? You imagined nothing could bring you more joy than the day you were pronounced "wife" to the man who promised to labor all his days to make your dreams come true. This is it. The first time you heard the weak cry, your heart ached to embrace the tiny creation, the precious gift from a most gracious God in Heaven. The silence seemed unbreakable as you cradled her for the first time and looked into her deep unveiled eyes. She was the most beautiful addition to a life already filled with so much bliss. After her followed five more pieces of the eternal masterpiece you could not so much as hope to conceptualize. One life dedicated to 7. Any thought of living a life any different suddenly seemed unappealing. The lives of those that observed you as you committed to them were altered completely. They so greatly desired to live every day as you instructed. Nothing was more desired, though, than to feel your love that is given so unconditionally. How do you follow in the footsteps of an angel? You're one of the most amazing spirits I could ever have the privilege of being sent to. Or were you sent to me? The efforts of making something out of my life have seemed almost impossible without your guidance. I look back and realize that everything I am came from Dad's and your example. Your love, Your devotion to your role of molding me so I reach my potential has been paramount. You always voice your pride in what I've become, in my growth, but in reality my life is a reflection of your love for the savior and for me. You're beautiful in every way that counts Mommy. Everyone that knows you would say the same thing. You've never said no to anyone that needed your help, especially your family. You're genuine and kind and full of the spirit and that's all you've ever asked of me. I love you more than I know how to express. Happy Mother's Day :)

Today was my birthday and, as I was leaving for work, a slip of folded paper fell out of my apartment door. It was a note from one of my closest friends. He loves writing poetry and putting his thoughts into more organized combinations on paper than saying them out loud sometimes. He's promised me for a while that he would let me read this particular piece and I hadn't ever read it until today. I ask him permission to share it and he graciously agreed so...here goes! It spans the ages; evading time, distance, even existence And settles into each of us, embedded in who we are Deeper than the universe, intertwined in the fibers of eternity. On the special occasion it can be felt; rarely, like tonight It swirls around, breath-taking in its simplicity Yet unfathomable in its true meaning Except to those with desire to know truth-pure and rare It returns to select the few who willingly seek to see The colors of emotion that thread together To weave a tapestry of meaning and expression That withstands the unyielding rules of temporal law Creating something not of this world A glimpse into the heavenly realm of eternity Into the very meaning of God's existence. Some would say its a gift For those who are willing to take the steps; Of sacrifice & change: Seeming to give up so much in the moment For something you can never seem to wrap your arms around Losing a piece of who you are, to find yourself. Of patience & time: Hours...to days...to seasons...to years...for a lifetime that never ends And it seems you only catch a glance of who you're becoming Until the tapestry is rolled out, connecting to form the image you shaped. Of effort & commitment: Molding, forming, creating; it becomes alive within you Spreading to the far corners of your heart, spilling outward Touching those nearby, awakening the memories within And you have it Cara, it's in you Seen through the windows of the soul, shimmering on the surface Partial image of what lies deep within you Yearning to blossom, to unlock its true potential And you hold the key. To Truth. To understanding. To the meaning of you. -What is the beauty within

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Have you ever felt as if you have way too much in your head that you feel like you have to tell someone, but there never seems to be enough time and you feel that at any given moment you're going to burst? It's like if you hold it in for one more day you either don't want to say it at all or, when you actually can talk about it, you will burst everything out and virtually say more than you wanted to say and it turns out to be a complete mess? Like a painting gone wrong. All of the beautiful reds, purples, yellows and blues scrambled together making a huge blob resembling the contents of a cow pasture...after the cows. And this is what you wish you could say: Have you ever met someone that within a few short weeks molded your life to exactly what you've been aiming for? You feel as if you've finally reached that point of spirituality and goodness that you were working toward, but without you or them knowing it. You have such a connection and the same drive to be better and to learn and soak up as much about the gospel as you can and you can't wait to apply it and you talk about it. When you aren't with them you don't necessarily feel like you need to be around them constantly, but when you are with them you don't want them to leave because when they are there, they make you the best possible you that could ever be. All corniness aside, they make you feel as if suddenly the impossible things seem so easy, so achievable. That the things in life that used to stress you out are...well, they're gone, because this person has such a grasp of happiness and knows how to control their emotions so well that it's contagious. They always say the right things at the right time. The sincerity is in their eyes and you believe them. Everyone they know tells you the same wonderful things about them and you've spent enough time with them that you know their character doesn't change. For a moment-it's not perfect-it's better. Because it's real life. You're suddenly back in the friends category and when the time you spend together and the communication seems to be decreasing, you feel that part of you slipping away. Suddenly it's not a simple task to hold it together. You try everything you can to keep up the momentum you had before now, but without that person to sustain you, without their enthusiasm, it's difficult, like you're losing your grip on practically everything. You feel as if they don't care, that they've moved on, but there are little things: in the minimal communication you have, in the way they look at you, that hint at the possibility that they may still care, they may still harbor some of the feelings that were there before. You don't want to believe it. You tell yourself not to. You're setting yourself up for failure right? In this time of being friends, they have learned more about you than you think. When you talk to them in person, you want to tell them everything, but inside you the battle almost makes you sick. More sick than you feel right after a hot dog eating contest. They ask you what you're thinking and you can't lie because they can read your eyes and they know when you're not telling them something, but you can't tell them what you're thinking. You want to tell them everything, you want to spend more time with them than you know you can't because as a friend, you can't expect that from them or from the friend relationship. So what do you do?

Take Two

So last week I was completely in the blogging zone and wrote an amazing blog about my job, interestingly enough. I do love my job as a dental assistant but at times the drama is just a little unbearable. I do, however, love tooth anatomy and teeth things so I bear it nonetheless :)

My friend and co-worker, Jenny Olson, is just now learning why I would love to be a Latina. You see, I took her and our two friends, Colson and Brad to The Loft in Provo on Friday night for some Latin dancing. They were all apprehensive, except for maybe Brad. At the end of the night they were hooked. Mission accomplished :) I asked Jenny if she now understood my obsession and my wanna-be-Mexican attitude. She herself had a very attractive one ask for her number and said we should all hang out sometime. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week! We were entertained by Colson. He's not exactly stiff as a board, but he is tall...more than anything he moves too much haha it was hilarious. They all had fun though so it was definitely worth the 3 bucks!

I'm very tired today. I'm not feeling very creative. I had an extremely long day filled with meetings and the like yesterday. The only relaxation was in dinner with John and Carly (my sister and brother-in-law) and reading The Brothers by Chris Stewart. Super interesting book and it's a very different concept than anything I've ever read. I've heard there are about 7 books in the series and I'm almost done with the first one so I'm anxious to read the other ones. The only problem is I am also in the middle of reading the Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices series'. I'm so addicted to reading. I can't help it. I blame my mother's parents completely for that :)

Anyway, I'm off to the gym. I promise future blogs will be much MUCH more interesting than this!

Cara

I'm Back Y'all

I've decided that I want to start blogging. I'm not particularly disciplined when it comes to journal keeping so maybe this will be better :) I also recently finished reading a fantastic book and the main character blogged and she's hilarious so she's my inspiration for this idea!

I'm new at this. The one that existed before these future posts was put together by by beautiful mother with all of my mission e-mails, so hopefully as I go they will get better!

Now don't be afraid, I won't get near as intimate in my blog as I would in my journal...maybe that's why it's important to keep one...hmm. Well, on step at a time I guess :)

I'm signing off for now. My brain is not completely focused and I must clear my head to make this good. Chau for now :)

Cara

March 22 Letter- The Last ONE!!!

Dear Friends and Family,

Heeeeey! This week was crazy! We didn't really find...we taught one woman, Valeria, who really really needs this gospel in her life, but I'm not sure she's going to progress. We have another appointment tomorrow with her and we're going to teach the Plan of Salvation. I really think it will get her attention.
We found an inactive and her husband who's not a member this last week. They said that they have been needing a lot of help lately because they recognize that they need to be closer to our Heavenly Father. They were more than willing to attend us. I have high hopes for this couple! They are way nice and the woman, Monica, really really needs this back in her life. They both do.
Lucas got the priesthood yesterday! We were so excited! His mom came with him and was very content. We're going to see what we can do with her. She's a lot more open with us now than she was before and smiles a lot more when we're around. Lucas seemed like he was walking on cloud nine and had the smile on his face that he had right after being baptized. It was good to finally see him again. He was out of town taking care of his daughter's mom because she was super sick and started work this last week so he's been way busy.
Juana is doing awesome. Every time we go see her, though, she reminds me how much she's going to miss me when I leave. Oy por favor! She gave me one of those little license plates (the plastic ones that they sell, you know?) with her name on it to not forget her because I gave her one of my placks. Haha she makes me laugh. Anyway, she's been going to the geneology class on Sunday and absolutely LOVES it. She's very excited to do the work for her family members. SHE'S ON FIRE! I love that woman!
Anyway, sometimes I feel like our weeks are really busy because we're constantly running back and forth to appointmens but when I write to you, I can't think of anything to say! We did talk to a lot of people again this week. We almost reached 200 contacts. We got up to 197. This next week we're going to make that 200 if it's the last thing I do (no pun intended). C:
I learned something really interesting this week about faith. I was so selfish before to think that God only really answered the prayers of the members of the church. But everywhere we read in the scriptures, it says that God works according to the faith of His children. There are TONS of people who have so much faith when they pray that God can't deny them what they ask and I have contacted and met people every day who have amazing experiences with prayer. In and out of the church. I hope that we can learn to pray with all the faith that we know God is there and that He grants us what we ask according to our faith.
I hope you all have an amazing week everyone! I'm excited to hear all of your stories! Hasta que nos volvamos a ver, mantenganse firmes e inmutables en la fe de Cristo. Les amo con todo mi corazón.

Hermana Shumway