Untitled

Have you ever felt as if you have way too much in your head that you feel like you have to tell someone, but there never seems to be enough time and you feel that at any given moment you're going to burst? It's like if you hold it in for one more day you either don't want to say it at all or, when you actually can talk about it, you will burst everything out and virtually say more than you wanted to say and it turns out to be a complete mess? Like a painting gone wrong. All of the beautiful reds, purples, yellows and blues scrambled together making a huge blob resembling the contents of a cow pasture...after the cows. And this is what you wish you could say: Have you ever met someone that within a few short weeks molded your life to exactly what you've been aiming for? You feel as if you've finally reached that point of spirituality and goodness that you were working toward, but without you or them knowing it. You have such a connection and the same drive to be better and to learn and soak up as much about the gospel as you can and you can't wait to apply it and you talk about it. When you aren't with them you don't necessarily feel like you need to be around them constantly, but when you are with them you don't want them to leave because when they are there, they make you the best possible you that could ever be. All corniness aside, they make you feel as if suddenly the impossible things seem so easy, so achievable. That the things in life that used to stress you out are...well, they're gone, because this person has such a grasp of happiness and knows how to control their emotions so well that it's contagious. They always say the right things at the right time. The sincerity is in their eyes and you believe them. Everyone they know tells you the same wonderful things about them and you've spent enough time with them that you know their character doesn't change. For a moment-it's not perfect-it's better. Because it's real life. You're suddenly back in the friends category and when the time you spend together and the communication seems to be decreasing, you feel that part of you slipping away. Suddenly it's not a simple task to hold it together. You try everything you can to keep up the momentum you had before now, but without that person to sustain you, without their enthusiasm, it's difficult, like you're losing your grip on practically everything. You feel as if they don't care, that they've moved on, but there are little things: in the minimal communication you have, in the way they look at you, that hint at the possibility that they may still care, they may still harbor some of the feelings that were there before. You don't want to believe it. You tell yourself not to. You're setting yourself up for failure right? In this time of being friends, they have learned more about you than you think. When you talk to them in person, you want to tell them everything, but inside you the battle almost makes you sick. More sick than you feel right after a hot dog eating contest. They ask you what you're thinking and you can't lie because they can read your eyes and they know when you're not telling them something, but you can't tell them what you're thinking. You want to tell them everything, you want to spend more time with them than you know you can't because as a friend, you can't expect that from them or from the friend relationship. So what do you do?